Mariella Frostrup’s No-Nonsense Guide to Dating in Midlife: “Confidence Is the Real Glow-Up”

If you’re in your 50s or 60s and sin­gle — whether by choice, chance, or cos­mic curve­ball — you’re far from alone. Many women are find­ing them­selves fly­ing solo in midlife, even if it wasn’t exact­ly part of the plan.

But while some men seem to pair up faster than they can say “dad bod,” women are often left won­der­ing where all the con­fi­dent, emo­tion­al­ly avail­able part­ners have gone. Accord­ing to jour­nal­ist and broad­cast­er Mariel­la Frostrup, the key isn’t chas­ing after them — it’s redis­cov­er­ing you first.

1. Love yourself first (seriously, it’s not just a cliché)

Frostrup believes that hap­pi­ness starts from with­in. You can’t rely on a part­ner to fill emo­tion­al gaps or boost your self-esteem — you need to build that your­self first.

“It’s not about get­ting high­lights or los­ing weight,” she says. “It’s about rec­og­niz­ing your many attrib­ut­es.”

Psy­chol­o­gist Marisa Peer agrees: stop obsess­ing over age, dress size, or income. You’re not a tax return. What you bring to the world — your kind­ness, humor, expe­ri­ences — is what makes you mag­net­ic.

2. Know what you actually want

Before you dive into dat­ing again, Frostrup sug­gests get­ting hon­est with your­self. Are you crav­ing pas­sion? Com­pan­ion­ship? A trav­el bud­dy? Some­one to share meals — or maybe just Net­flix pass­words — with?

Being clear about what you want helps you spot time-wasters ear­ly on. Because let’s face it: midlife is too short for bad dates and worse text mes­sages.

3. Swipe wisely (or maybe not at all)

Frostrup doesn’t sug­ar­coat it: dat­ing apps can be a mine­field. While some peo­ple do find love online, many apps are over­flow­ing with men look­ing for one-night stands rather than mean­ing­ful con­nec­tion.

“If you’re con­stant­ly get­ting unso­licit­ed pho­tos instead of com­pli­ments,” says Marisa Peer, “you might be search­ing for love in the wrong places.”

So if end­less swip­ing is mak­ing you mis­er­able, step away. The right con­nec­tion may be offline — not in your DMs.

4. Meet people doing what you love

This is where Frostrup gets per­son­al. She actu­al­ly met her hus­band on a char­i­ty hike in the Himalayas.

Her advice? Join clubs, vol­un­teer, or pick up a hob­by that excites you — whether that’s run­ning, paint­ing, or walk­ing dogs at a shel­ter. Shared inter­ests spark real con­nec­tions, and con­fi­dence nat­u­ral­ly grows when you’re engaged in things you love.

“You’re more inter­est­ing when you’re inter­est­ed,” she says — and we couldn’t agree more.

Bottom line: Midlife dating isn’t a crisis — it’s a reset

Dat­ing in your 40s, 50s, or beyond isn’t about com­pet­ing with your younger self or any­one else. It’s about redis­cov­er­ing what makes you feel alive, con­fi­dent, and open to con­nec­tion — whether that leads to romance or sim­ply a rich­er life.

As Frostrup reminds us: the sex­i­est thing you can wear isn’t design­er clothes or expen­sive per­fume — it’s self-con­fi­dence.